October 03, 2008 Michael AugustineLisez en Francais
Hello again,
You’ll have noticed (at least, I hope you would have noticed) that I’ve not submitted an entry for Aug’s Blog for several weeks. As I said before, I am unwell these days, and, truth be told, my relapse is getting the better of me. Though not as serious as previous relapses in terms of significant, visible impact, I am frustrated because all those “hidden” happenings - the ones that allow for other people to assume I have no real issues - are getting the better of me!
I have been fortunate in that, although I am now in a wheelchair, my independence has nonetheless been unaffected by MS - at least to the degree that I can lead a reasonably normal life with minimal accommodations. Perhaps that is just me seeing things through rose-coloured glasses...or perhaps I have greater intestinal fortitude than others in my predicament. Regardless, I remain nearly as functional as I was prior to becoming sick. However, that is no longer the case.
Truthfully, I am in significant physical discomfort these days. In addition, I am doubly burdened by my extreme fatigue. Even for a normal person, either symptom alone would be challenge enough to overcome, let alone in tandem. What is aggravating the situation further is that, though coping with multiple sclerosis for nearly 20 years, neither symptom had ever been an issue for me until only just recently,. Thus, I am required to, once again, go through that whole “learning curve” of RE-learning how to live my life with a new set of rules.
I am getting a wee bit tired of having to continually do this!
Regardless of the underlying reasons and, at the risk of both being blunt, and of sounding like I’m whining, I would very much like for all this crap to stop now so that I can get an actual good night’s sleep for a change, thank you oh-so-very-much!!!
Mind you, it is possible that these “changes” I am experiencing are the result, not of changes in age or health, but from changes in the weather. This has been a fairly difficult year for Canadians with multiple sclerosis, particularly for those who are severely affected by fluctuations in temperatures or atmospheric conditions. Migraines, fatigue and flare-ups have been rampant, not just for we MS sufferers, but across the whole gamut of health concerns. Possibly with the coming of winter, I may yet be able to get some much-needed relief from my problems.
But I am not a very patient man...
Oh yes, I am aware - this whole rant is the result of my being tired, and frustrated, and in pain...or whatever other modifiers you may choose to ascribe towards my current “attitudinal adjustment.” Everyone used to tell me there was a process for dealing with these things. I’m fairly certain that “venting” was one of the first steps. Rest assured I am fully aware that one way or the other, I will adjust to this new status quo, be it temporary...or permanent.
For the time being, my current dilemma is one of whether or not I need medicate myself even further than I do now. I’m all copacetic with western medicine, but there has to be a finite point where modern science ends, and where mind-over-matter needs come into play. Perhaps I would be well-advised to seek a more “spiritual” approach, possibly through using meditation, or a more focused exercise, like Taoist Tai Chi or Yoga.
As for the third option of “medicinal marijuana,” and other less structured remedies, I am loathe to consider them. While many of these “methodologies” are wholly embraced by some people, and even help improve a handful of individuals, I am fully aware that just as many people have been harmed by these “treatments” as have been helped by them. Many techniques are untested, or even criminal, in nature. Even more result in nothing more than a placebo effect, which, in of itself is not a bad thing, save for the ridiculous cost associated with using them.
Truthfully, I’ve spent the better part of the last twenty years both broke and sedated, what with being retired for the last twelve years, as well as being heavily medicated for another, unrelated illnesses. I see no benefit at all in restoring my inner peace if it’s going to be at the expense of the mental, physical, and/or fiscal resources, needed to make use of that freedom.
Tell you what:
For those who may be reading this, I would love to hear your input. Please write to me, and let me know how you’ve coped with this situation. I will diligently read your words - and will be paying very close attention to what you have to say. You comments will be posted here, so that others may share your knowledge and experiences, in hopes of helping them if they are dealing with similar circumstances.
I look forward to hearing your input!
Irreverently Yours,
Aug, who will be keeping an open mind.