September 01, 2008 Michael AugustineLisez en Francais
I’m going to go on a little rant here so I apologize in advance if I end up getting a bit... militant.
Being disabled is challenging. No one can deny that. There is always a constant tug of war happening between wanting to maintain one’s independence and accepting the fact that you sometimes need assistance with tasks that other people often take for granted as being easy to accomplish. While it is definitely a show of strength to admit when you need help, it is occasionally viewed as a sign of weakness, both by those being asked, and by the individual doing the asking.
Yesterday, I got seriously...perturbed...at a “good samaritan” with personal boundary issues.
Unless you’ve been in a wheelchair, you’ll never truly experience this phenomenon, but it’s called “hijacking.” It consists of being somewhere - anywhere - calmly going about your business when out of nowhere, a complete stranger takes it upon themselves to supercede your independence and proceeds to completely take over whatever task you are trying to accomplish, neither asking permission, nor even having the first clue as to what it is you are actually trying to do. Presumably, these misguided, eager “samaritans” are under the impression that you are “helpless” and desperately need them to resolve whatever challenge they’ve convinced you deal with alone.
In yesterday’s instance, I was running errands downtown when, out of nowhere, some..I want to say “idiot”... took it upon themselves to start pushing me, with absolutely no regard to where I actually wanted to go. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he refused to stop despite my repeated objections, responding only for me to let him take care of me. Having long since shot passed my intended stop, and now seriously affronted to the point of anger, I yelled my position quite clearly, using several expletives to further make my point. Just as quickly as he had appeared, the man walked away, utterly mystified by my unwillingness to let him “help.”
I’ve been a nice guy my whole life, and have always believed in assisting those in need. However, there is a BIG difference between offering someone assistance and overwhelming them with invasive and unwanted patronage. There are few things more indignant to a person than having a complete stranger surreptitiously rob them of their independence under the erroneous belief that they are incapable of fending for themselves. What make this type of infraction especially egregious is that those who most often commit the crime have self-appointed it their duty to “do things for the helpless cripples of the world” convinced as they are of their own moral superiority.
I realize this seems like an arrogant tirade, especially when expressed against the kindness of strangers, but these ignorant people often so self-assured in their ridiculous moral obligations, end up being as dangerous in their actions as they are noble in their intentions. Here’s an example:
About a year ago, I sat at the city’s bus terminal waiting with my brakes set to avoid rolling off the sidewalk into the path of an oncoming vehicle. As my bus approached, my chair began moving forward of its own accord, and the brakes, which were still set, ground against my tires. Turning around, I saw behind me an elderly gentleman pushing me with considerable effort. I had no idea who this man was, nor why he felt the need to push me, but despite my politely and repeatedly asking him to stop, he continued to push, causing considerable wear on my tires. Moreover, despite my attempts to navigate away, we were now mere inches from a six inch drop off the curb, and I was about to be spilled into the path of a very large, and very HEAVY bus.
As I had unsuccessfully tried everything to make this moron understand that he was about to cause me serious harm, I was left with no choice left, and did the only thing I could think of to save my skin: I hauled off and cracked him a good one. As if having his most noble efforts rewarded with scorn, he jumped back with a mixture of anger and disgust on his face, and stormed away yelling what I assume were obscenities as he looked back at me. I thought this was an obvious example of somebody dangerously overstepping their boundaries, but frankly there were as many people who were looking at me with contempt, as there were shaking their heads at the man’s stupidity.
In any truly diverse community, there will always be a share of its members whose backgrounds, either from here or abroad, consisted of poorly educated perceptions regarding the physically challenged. However, we currently live in a very modern society where all people are considered equal, and there is simply no longer any excuse for holding tight to those badly outdated concepts. There is a reason they created the expression about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions: ignorance when combined with arrogance is a truly dangerous thing. It’s time now to take a different road, not one of good intentions, but one of understanding, and, especially, respect for the dignity of others.
I cannot stress this enough. There is never - EVER - a good enough reason to take control of a competent person’s actions - not when it’s your own limited understanding that causes you to judge them as incompetent, particularly not when you haven’t been asked, and especially not when you’ve no idea of either who your helping or if they even want your help. Pity is NOT the same as empathy, regardless of what you may believe.
I cannot force people to understand the basic concept of respect, but it will give you a better perspective if you think to those times where your own freedoms and decisions were subjugated by others claiming to be doing so for “your own good.” That disregard for one’s ability to be self-sufficient is deeply insulting - and hazardous. Yes, I am in a wheelchair, and thus there are some things that are difficult for me to do. But really, can’t the same can be said for you?
Think next time, before you choose to assume control of another person. You may one day find yourself on the opposite side of this equation - being on the receiving end of someone’s unsolicited and dangerous “help” - and you will indeed be facing a very long and difficult road ahead of you!
Well, that’s it - my rant is over. Done! Now, get back to work, or whatever it was you were doing before you started reading my little missive. But maybe, just maybe, if I’ve done my job right, you can go back just a little bit wiser for the wear.
Irreverently Yours,
Aug, who feels a bit better, now that he’s vented some